Couples in long-term relationships sometimes crave excitement and stimulation, but do not know how to get it with their partners. But they can get that by pushing their comfort zone.
For example, if you are used to the missionary position, that may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; if you are used to stimulation by body parts alone, it may mean putting on some silky night dress.
You can even go as far as flirting with your spouse. There are various styles of flirtation and understanding how you communicate romantic interest may help you improve excitement, creativity and passion.
Are you an introvert husband, with a perfect understanding of whom your wife is, well, you can bring out the excitement in your sex life by flirting with her in a more traditional way. Take the lead while she maintains her usual passive role.
There is a physical style of flirting; this involves communicating sexual interest to your spouse. This form of flirtation typically leads to a more warmth, passionate sex and has greater chemistry and emotional connection.
Wives score higher with sincere flirtation. This style of flirting involves communicating sincere interest and a desire for stronger excitement and passion.
Voice/sound are good keys in sexual stimulation and attraction. Studies have shown that men and women use lower-pitched voice to indicate sexual attraction. Lowering your voice while flirting with your spouse can be great for erotic communication.
While a great deal of sexual stimulation and appeal may revolve around the visual, evidence suggests sounds are just as important. Voices can communicate a great deal of sensual and sexy information that can be either a turn-on or a turnoff. When spouse use a lower-pitch voice in communicating anything it shows a higher level of penile and clitoral arousal.
Most times when couples are advised to try out different kinds of sex, they complain of dead desire. Experts say that a lack of interest in making love is not unusual in couples as many think.
Up to 43% of women expressed a loss of sexual desire, beginning as young as age 36. Similarly, up to 36% of married women who were having sex reported they were not enjoying it.
Here are a few comments: “I used to enjoy making love with my husband but now it’s something I do just to get him off my back. I cannot figure out where my sex drive went or how to get it back.” “Once my husband and I ‘get started,’ I really enjoy our sex life. The problem is I just don’t ever want to get started.” “I always thought my husband and I would be making love until we were 90. But I just turned 39 and my libido is nowhere to be found.”
If these issues sound familiar, you are clearly not alone. “A disappearing sex drive is a common problem – most times in married women as young as in their 30’s – and it has almost reached an epidemic level.
Understanding your sex drive as a wife would help tremendously. For some women, low sex drive or even the inability to have sex may be connected to specific problems such as illness, medications, or sometimes even a specific physical problem related to intercourse.
It can also be because of hormonal changes that begin in the 40’s. A lack of vagina lubrication, for example, makes sex less comfortable and over time that can dampen desire.
For some women all it takes is a little dab of either lubricant or oestrogen cream on the clitoral area. You cannot believe how many women suffer, not realizing how easily this problem can be solved.
For many others the lack of libido is closely associated to the complex emotional interplay that makes up a woman’s sex drive.? If a woman is upset, confused, tired, if she is feeling overworked and under-appreciated, lubricant is not going to be enough to make her feel like having sex.
Moreover, studies have found that even when a woman’s body is turned on, she will not recognize it if she is not emotionally open to making love. Even when measurements of vaginal lubrication confirmed sexual excitement, a woman would not perceive desire if she was not in touch with the idea of being turned on.
Listen, with the TV off. True listening can reduce conflict, boost trust, and lead to a more satisfying sex life. Listening may sound simple, but it requires more than being in the same room while your better half is speaking. Signal that you care by turning off the television, offering your undivided attention and making eye contact. In addition, do not forget to follow up on what you hear.
This is particularly important when your partner is upset. If you listen carefully, you are more likely to understand the problem and find a way to help and have the best of sex.
Most marriage/sex therapists focus on “active listening,” which involves paraphrasing, validating, affirming your spouse’s feedback.? Be nice to your partner, make small gestures, but make them often. “The little things matter,” a happy marriage and good sex is based on deep friendship, knowing each other well, having mutual respect. Learn how to identify issues that must be resolved, that can be fruitfully discussed.
A long-lasting, happy sex life is about knowing your partner, being supportive, and being nice. Research shows that, “for every one negative thing you do sexually, there must be five positive passionate and erotic ones to balance it out, so your marriage and sex life have to be heavily in favour of the positives.”
Cuddling and caressing help boost satisfaction, aid sexual excitement, in long-term relationships according to a new study of middle-aged and older couples. The study also found that tenderness is more important to men than to women. Men are more likely to report being happy in their relationship, and that women are more likely to be satisfied with their sexual relationship, said the researchers from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University.
The study included more than 1,000 couples from the United States, Brazil, Germany, Japan and Spain who had been together for an average of 25 years. The participants were 43- to 70-year-old men and their wives.
Men were more likely to be happy in a relationship if they were in good health and it was important to them that their wives experienced orgasm during sex. Frequent cuddling and kissing projected relationship happiness for these couples.
Both women and men were happier the longer they had been together and if they had higher levels of sexual functioning, the investigators found. Japanese men and women were significantly happier with their relationships than Americans, who were happier than Brazilians and Spaniards, according to Kinsey Institute director Julia Heiman and colleagues.
Sexual satisfaction for both women and men was associated with frequent kissing and cuddling, sexual caressing by a partner, high sexual functioning, and frequent sex. Sexual satisfaction for married women increased over time.
Those who had been with their husbands for less than 15 years were less likely to be sexually satisfied, but satisfaction increased significantly after 15 years. “Possibly, women become more satisfied over time because their expectations change, or life changes with the children grown.”
I think my wife loves sex more than life; she craves for sex like one is grasping for breath. It so bad I cannot leave her with friends because they (my friends compliant that my wife harasses them sexually). Is she a sex addict? Is there a way I can help her? My family is in support that I put her away. What do you suggest?
I suggest you help your wife out of her addiction and not put her away. The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behaviour of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy marital relationships.
Addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behaviour and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.
Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with this challenge engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict’s marital relationship and interfering with his or her work and life, addiction also puts the person at risk of emotional and physical injury.
Behaviour associated with sexual addiction include: compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation), multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs), multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands, consistent use of pornography, phone or computer sex (cybersex), prostitution or use of prostitutes and sexual harassment.
What is the life cycle of a penis? I am not too comfortable with the functionality of my penis as declines by the day. When I hear how vibrant others are, I tend to be very sad. What do you have to say?
It is no secret that a man’s sexual function declines with age when adequate care, nurture and attention is not given to it. As a man’s testosterone level falls, it takes more to arouse him. Once aroused, he takes longer to get an erection and to achieve orgasm and following orgasm, to become aroused again. Age, un-wholesome diet brings marked declines in semen volume and sperm quality. Erectile dysfunction (ED), or impotence, is clearly linked to advancing years; between the ages of 40 and 70, the percentage of potent men falls from 60% to roughly 30%, studies show.
Men also experience a gradual decline in urinary function. Studies show that a man’s urine stream weakens over time, the consequence of weakened bladder muscles and, in many cases, prostate enlargement.
In addition, recent research confirms what men have long suspected and, in some cases, feared: that the penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime – around age 30 for most guys – into middle age and on to his dotage. There are two major changes: the head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish colour, the result of reduced blood flow. In addition, there is a slow loss of pubic hair. As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its pre-pubertal, mostly hairless.
Weight gain is common, as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen the apparent size of the penis changes. “A large pre-pubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter, in some cases; abdominal fat all but buries the penis. One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight.”
In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible), the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction – in both length and thickness – typically is not dramatic but may be noticeable. “If a man’s erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5-and-a-half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s
What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved. One is the slow deposition of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known as atherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries – a leading cause of heart attack. Another mechanism involves the gradual build-up of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers fill with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries – and increasingly inelastic chambers – mean smaller erections. However, Chinese herbs can do wonders for the shrinking and dysfunctional organ.